Sacred Sexuality

Friday, February 01, 2019

Warning: if the title didn't give it away, this post is about sex.

As a young woman, I enjoyed sex.
I wanted to have sex, I was attracted to my partners, I had orgasms, and felt like I had checked off all the boxes under the heading 'A Satisfied Sex Life'...but then I got into my "dirty thirties" (aka a woman's sexual prime) and that changed EVERYTHING I thought I knew about sex...ya know, as biology intends for the survival of the species.

Almost overnight, around age 33, I wanted to have sex all the time. No really...all the time. If I wasn't having sex, I was thinking about the next time I could have sex again. If my husband got close enough for me to catch a whiff of his scent, I was climbing the wall. It was so incredibly primal there was no denying that, despite our egos, we are really just warm-blooded animals. Touches were electric, scent could spark a fire, and my body rode waves of pleasure that are indescribable. Unforgettable.

It was intense...and I am honestly surprised we both survived it. It also explains how Kindred was conceived in the back of a Vw bus...and how my marriage survived a lengthy separation. We may be horribly mismatched in many ways as a couple...but, one thing between us is exceptional. And, I am not going to lie, we had crazy makeup sex one weekend and just decided to fix the other shit so we could keep doing it. This may not be a viable long-term solution, but it is working out for us so far.

Now that I am nearing the end of my thirties, the urges have toned down to a more manageable level...for example, I can now finish a load of laundry without feeling the need to have sex on the washing machine, unless it gets out of balance because...really...it is doing most of the work for you, but the act of sex is still just as carnal. The stress of the past year has really affected my cycles, and in return, my libido, AND THAT IS TOTALLY A THING, LADIES, but over the past quarter, I seem to have re-synced my cycles to the moon (ovulation at the full moon, ahhrooo!) and gotten back into my groove. Truly, I was very lucky to be raised by a woman who was open and honest about our bodies. I could ask my mother questions about sex and she would answer honestly. She celebrated her prime by marrying a man ten years younger than she...which at the time was a bit scandalous in our small town, but now I want to give her a high-five because...I get it, girlfriend. Good for you!!

My goal is to continue prioritizing sexual expression of energy for the rest of my thirties, into my forties, and beyond. Exercise, diet, and connection with my partner are all necessary to succeed. Besides just wanting it, we have to actively maintain it. Also, I am studying feminine energy & sexuality, and it is just fascinating to me the ways it has been vilified and penalized over the centuries...men are equally mystified, enchanted by, and truly fucking terrified of us, sisters.

At work, without fail, at least once a shift, I am talking with a man about his sexual health. We have supplements for getting/maintaining erections, boosting testosterone, increasing libido, prostate health, and blood flow. Do you know how many times in almost 7 years I have visited the women's sexual health section with a woman who wasn't there for menopause symptoms? ZERO. Once, a man...a prominent member of law enforcement, actually...came in with his wife and embarrassed the ever-loving shit out of her by making jokes as he was asking for things to help her libido. Yes, it took everything I had to tell him that no supplement in the world could fix the disconnect he was oblivious to because her face told me she wanted to drop to the floor and tunnel her way out of there. I don't think the problem was physical. And, as we age, that is a legitimate thing. There are women I know who stay in marriages because they work in other ways (financially, for the children, etc) and their sexuality pays the price.

I digress...

We have access to the same supplements to support our sexual health, as women. There are herbs to increase our desire, lubrication, the blood flow to our erogenous zones. There are vitamins and amino acids that increase our production of dopamine and serotonin, which are needed for our mood and libido. There are essential oils that have been used for centuries as aphrodisiacs. What we don't have, as women, are the awareness and courage to ask for these things. We are bombarded by images, starting in childhood, from industries dominated by men that tell us what sexy is. Makeup companies, lingerie companies, movies, etc., all tell us to be thin, to dress up, to be confident, to be okay with a string flossing our asshole masquerading as underwear, and to be ready to pounce on our partners like we don't have stressful days at work that segue into stressful evenings with the children, or a cycle that lasts longer emotionally than it does physically.

I am still in the hunting and gathering phase of study, but I plan to share what I learn here in the future. We need more visibility to end the stigma or shame because over 40% of women report some level of sexual dysfunction!! Any questions, DM me on Instagram. I don't really know how comments work here.

Sacred Space

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

My bedroom is an uhh interesting place...

The featured piece is a vintage bench that runs the entire width of the room. I found it at my favorite thrift shop, and I wasn't even sure how we were going to get it home because I knew at least five feet would stick out the back of the 4Runner, but I knew I had to have it. It has flaking paint and so much character. I also have two twisted walking sticks hanging above my bed and a large framed feather artwork that hangs vertically beside my door. I noticed awhile back that it seemed to be heading in a direction that felt very elemental, so I added some black iron candlesticks and a skull, naturally. We have many candles and I really love the shadows they create on the walls and our skin. Candle light can be incredibly sexy!! I keep my copy of Women Who Run With The Wolves on the bench because I reference it often. On the list of Books That Changed My Life, it is definitely in the Top 3. My tarot and animal oracle cards by The Wild Unknown also stay out because I never know when the mood will strike me to tune into the cosmic energy for some direction.

So much of my time is spent mothering the children or studying different healing modalities that it is very important I have a space to bring out my inner wolf-woman to scritch around or howl for awhile. I know some theories float around that your bedroom should be in calming colors and fabrics in order to aid in peaceful sleep, but I want mine to be a sexy, dark, sacred space my partner may feel like he's about to be sacrificed in.

Ya know...keeps him on his A-game...

Passion

Thursday, January 24, 2019

I spent a good chunk of my young adulthood smelling like either Victoria Secret's Vanilla Lace lotion or Clinique's Happy perfume. I had pretty much stopped wearing any synthetic fragrances by the time I started in the holistic health industry but I definitely quit once I learned how bad they are for us. Our skin absorbs those toxic ingredients and sends them straight to our organs to wreak silent havoc. Since then, I've pretty much worn organic lotions scented by essential oils but the pickings can be slim when it comes to those.

My favorite scent to wear now is Passion by doTERRA. I love that it is spicy and sexy. It combines cardamom (hello, I'm a chai tea fanatic!), cinnamon, ginger, clove, sandalwood, jasmine, vanilla bean, and damiana, which in the herb world is used as an aphrodisiac. I bought an empty glass bottle (essential oils break down plastic) from the Nutrition Center to make my own body or linen spray. I used 8 oz of filtered water, a TBSP of witch hazel, and about 30 drops of Passion because I like to smell it strong. I lightly spray it on my bare skin or spray it in the air in front of me when I am dressed, and then I step into it. I also have the touch roll-on and I dab that on my wrists and neck.

I am basically stockpiling it so don't go buying any and cutting into my inventory. I am kidding. You may love it too, but if you don't, send me your bottle!!

This kid...

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

...is super on-board with the whole indigo aura revelation.

Last night, she told Nova, "On my birthday, I got my aura picture and it was indigo and did you even know there are colors we can't see that surround us?" And, at least twice a day she uses it to get something...as in, "Can your indigo baby have a smoothie?" or "Can your indigo baby play with this amethyst, mama?"

She cracks me up...

Snow Bunnies!

Sunday, January 20, 2019

It was so cold out...and the strange thing was that the top of the snow was frozen but once you tried to make a snowball, it just fell apart into powder. Like, throwing fairy dust around.

But, Kindred had a good time and the chai tea was warm and spicy good when I came inside. I love to see the snow!! If it's going to be freezing, it might as well be beautiful outside!!

Indigo Girl

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

On her birthday, we took Kindred to Cosmic Connections in Nashville to get her aura photographed.

Naturally.

I have seen actual photographs and that is what I thought it was before we went but their system just utilizes a computer print out. Aura photography is done by grounding your hand on a sensor and getting the reading added to your picture. I believe it is correct because Kindred is 100% an indigo and we have known this for awhile. We will go again when she turns seven and begins a new life cycle to see if she maintains it.

I found a good explanation of indigo auras via Violetaura.com:
"Indigo aura personalities are creative individuals who inspire awareness, sensibility and integrity. Indigos are deeply influenced by their inner knowing. They are dynamic souls who assert their morality to promote teaching respect for all life. They are guided by their mind’s eye and lead with their hearts.
Primarily working from the third eye, this aura personality is highly intuitive and has a broad range of arcane knowledge. Their insights see the pathways of infinite potential and possibilities. It is not uncommon to experience from an Indigo that they may hold answers to life’s mysteries.
Indigos can absorb and process new information quickly. They will have a tendency to feel overwhelmed by their senses and by energies in their environment.
The life of an Indigo is so experiential that their means of relating to other people is often through the use of metaphors and similes. However, their channeled revelations and prophecies are delivered forthright.
Indigos are bold and brave with their honesty and serve to be an example of testing boundaries; challenging limitations and restrictions where personal freedom and liberties are concerned.  They are outspoken about righting injustices, changing broken social governing systems and can be quick to set a record straight.  Since they know what they know with clarity and conviction, the truth and the right thing to do are no contest to an Indigo.
People with this aura color can have trouble understanding why other people don’t understand the knowledge they do. They can also easily feel alienated from society or ostracize themselves and disappear for a while to rebalance their love/hate relationship with society."
If you are interested in getting your aura photographed, Cosmic Connections is near Belmont Univ in Nashville. The Frothy Monkey coffee shop is nearby and I love their chai!!

Happy 5th Birthday, Kindred!!

Monday, January 14, 2019

We decided to skip a birthday party-party this year because Naiya's counts are down making her more susceptible to infection and Nova is in Kindergarten with lots of other kiddos. We hated the idea of excluding one or the other so we made Kindred's birthday super special and she will have a half-birthday party in July to make up for it. I asked Kindred what she might like to do and she said she wanted a new crystal from the crystal store. So, I immediately thought about Cosmic Connections in Nashville and thought that, while we were down there, Kindred would LOVE to eat at Rainforest Cafe.

I was mistaken. It scared the whiz out of her. Just like it did Dylan. But all the other kids around seemed to love it.



She was enjoying herself until the thunderstorm happened. The lights get low, thunder rumbles, strobe lights flash like lightning and the animals go nuts. It's either super cool or extremely traumatizing, depending on who you ask. Kindred hid under the table just like Dylan did.





Me and my girl have logged many rides on carousels and I love that. I have enjoyed every single one.
Kindred, I don't know what cosmic contract you worked out to be here...against all the odds of a balanced translocation, here you are. You were my destiny all along, I just didn't know it. Oh how my heart ached for you for so many years. You have been the biggest surprise yet. I love you so much. Thank you for every single moment.