So This Is 39

Saturday, December 08, 2018

All I wanted for my birthday last year was for Naiya's diagnosis to disappear so that we could all have her & Ash back home with us. Truthfully, I didn't feel like celebrating my birthday at all, so we didn't. I still hadn't even managed to stop crying spontaneously throughout the day. My stomach was in knots and the future was uncertain. This year, as the day drew nearer, I asked Kat and Ash to bring the girls and come just hang with me. We decided to watch Dumplin' which did not pan out as the girls were a little much to handle. So, we just talked and laughed and took some pics and listened to the girls playing. And, it was the best gift possible!!


Thursday, December 06, 2018 should buy some bright red lipstick. -my sister

It is outside my comfort zone but a necessary course of action considering my current internal evolution.
Re-wilding. Re-energizing. Re-emerging.


Wednesday, December 05, 2018

How? I

What Have I Been Up To?

Tuesday, December 04, 2018

Spending days with these two weirdos, who keep me laughing and, also, cleaning Kindred's room.

Naiya's one year diagnosis anniversary has come and gone. It has been emotional. So many questions that will never be answered. Life changed. And now it just is what it is. Our normal is quite overwhelming. But, we have excelled at adaptation, as a family unit, and we are celebrating Naiya's resilient spirit and having faith that she will only continue to heal and live and love and grow.

Other than that...I am easing into slow mornings filled with a steaming almond milk Dandy Blend, late lunches of mostly hearty soups with my fave gal pal, and evenings lit by a beautiful, twinkling decorated tree. And I am mindful that this is the childhood I needed every night I snuggle with Kindred in her darling little bedroom. It is never too late to tune into the children we once were and fill those holes of what we needed but didn't get with forgiveness and love.

And, did you know that this is my birthday week!?! I could not be more Sagittarius, except that I am also a Gemini rising...and that's basically just an argumentative Sagittarius with slightly less existential dread. I will be 39 on Friday. Do we ever get used to seeing those numbers climb? It is hard to believe this is the last year of my 30s. I intend to invest it wisely.

Christmas Parades

Monday, December 03, 2018

We took in the local afternoon parade and then drove a county over to see an evening parade because that is how 2018 is going when it comes to these two girls. Stuff that I may not have made an effort to do before Naiya got sick, I am more inclined to go all out for. Lest we all forget their summer bucket list...which I am sad to say concluded with one item not marked off. We never played freeze-tag. It was an administrative oversight and we bitterly regret it.

I mean, seriously...which kid is mine? Nova has her aunt's curly hair and Kat shares thinner hair with Kindred. Genetics is weird, shug.

If you follow me on Instagram, you must find the parade post and watch the Disney float. It was sincerely a spectacle to behold. Next year, we need to take a few blankets to the evening parade because the temp dropped pretty quickly and the girls cited yet another administrative oversight on my part. I'm doing my best, guys...

"Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store."

Sunday, November 18, 2018

...but pistachios do!

We are going to surprise Kindred with a trip to the movies to see the new Grinch movie this coming weekend. She is going to freak out. I can't wait.

Woodland Critters

Thursday, November 15, 2018

I've decided to change up our holiday decorations. We've had a blue and red almost retro looking decor theme going on since Kindred's first Christmas but I want to do a more natural/woodland look to encourage (hopefully) a less commercialized, less consumerist centric holiday. Not to mention, honoring my pagan/witchy/native belief system that doesn't really jive with the traditional Christian narrative. Read: my belief system. Everyone in this household has their own belief system. Dylan leans more atheist/agnostic and Berg is a Christian. Kindred is the only free agent and she will make up her own mind when she is ready.

So, we were out hunting for woodland critters for our tree. We checked out Pier One and found a few things, didn't really find anything at Michael's, and I won't shop at Hobby Lobby so I have no idea what they have there. Still pissed about their disregard for female autonomy in their reproductive choices. Quick question: Can you name a single law, or mandate, that governs over a man's body or a man's health? I sure can't because there isn't one. Where was I? Oh, yes...I our other option is the gift shop at Lost River Cave. Gives me a chance to support a local gift shop and their woodland tree decor is too cute. Kindred and I have plans to pop in and choose an ornament every week until Christmas. And, after Christmas, we will ransack their Christmas clearance for next year. We love sales.

We are picking up some cranberries, cinnamon sticks, star anise and small pinecones to fashion ourselves a garland this week. I can't wait to craft with Kicky. She is so creative!! We decorate on Black Friday every year instead of participating in the running of the bulls. My son will be working at a big box retailer on Thanksgiving evening and Black Friday this year. He will miss the family dinner with my mama and sisters. This is where we are as a country. Totally disconnected from the reality of our choices. May kinder, wiser heads prevail someday.