Last Week

February 15, 2018


On Tuesday, Ash needed me to go with her to Vanderbilt Children's hospital because Naiya's lumbar puncture results showed white blood cells. Upon arrival, we were told it could be cancer, or could be meningitis but they didn't think it was either based on how good Naiya looked. We didn't get much of an answer for about 48 hours, which was incredibly frightening and stressful. They were getting mixed signals from her blood work; one sample was good while another grew bacteria. It was just a wild ride full of wait & see. They still don't have the clearest of answers, except that it is NOT cancer or meningitis. Naiya got to go home for a little while on Saturday evening, but was summoned back by the next morning. They're still down there, but are hopeful they get to leave soon.

I wound up being there until Friday evening and it was just a life changing experience. I don't really know that any words can convey what it is like to live in a children's oncology ward. If you were here with me in my living room, I would try to tell you between tears falling and heart bursting open. I am starting to see, just like with the loss of Brooklyn, how this experience has grown our souls. There are just a thousand tiny ways I can see how changed we are.

I am committed to that growth and following this new path that has opened up before us...no matter where it takes us. For today, I am about to watch the new Pele Report, pour another tea, enjoy my time with the girls, and then get ready to go work a few hours. What a Thursday this is, no? Just full of possibilities!!
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