African Violet

Monday, May 13, 2019

These are the most blooms I have seen on my little violet. I love her. Isn't she lovely?

She Gets It From Her Mama

Sunday, May 12, 2019

I'm afraid the crazy gene was dominant from both me and Berg. Wish us luck...

A Day In The Life

Thursday, May 09, 2019 really can't take me anywhere.


Tuesday, May 07, 2019

...the magic baboon. He's got a little hat and guitar already but I don't have the pic yet. I love him so much already. I want to know his story, but so far he ain't talkin.

Kinetic Sand

Monday, May 06, 2019

The lighting is bad but can you see the giant goose-egg on Kindred's head? I am not exaggerating when I say that a tablespoon's worth of kinetic sand has rendered 3 rooms in my house almost impassible. The stuff hits the floor and becomes like ice, it is sooo slick. I had already swept and even mopped because I kept slipping every time I came through my kitchen (which was the original site, but it soon spread to my bedroom & living room) but Kindred still slipped and hit her head on the floor. Violently. A large goose-egg popped up almost immediately. I have blacklisted kinetic sand because this isn't the first time this has happened and, frankly, I think the stuff is dangerous when playtime is over. If your child is ever gifted the stuff...heed my warning!!


Sunday, May 05, 2019

I remind him to take care of himself and maybe not do reckless stuff.
He reminds me to enjoy my life and not stay wound so tight.

We are both a work in progress.

The Virgo & the Sagittarius, with more beliefs & magic in common than either of us ever knew.

He cracks me up and tells me to be brave.

In this time of rampant toxic masculinity, he sets an excellent example for Kindred & Dylan. He is supportive of women and is a gentle soul. I never have to worry about hearing something racist or misogynistic or homophobic come from him. He believes in teaching the children well and he does that by example. His views on religion and politics are surprising for someone who drives a Harley and loves Lynyrd Skynyrd.

He will never send me a normal text message, but deciphering them is half the fun.

I'm so grateful that he's my dad.

BFFs 4-Ever

Friday, May 03, 2019

It is sooooooooooo good to have my adventuring partner back. I missed her so much last year. We are thrifting, doing nature trails, and just hanging out at home. It makes me soooooooooo happy.

And, it is such a blessing...truly a see Kindred and Naiya forge their own friendship and grow closer this year.

The Car Wash

Thursday, May 02, 2019

She loves it. I don't know why I'd ever spend the money on Disney World when the car wash down the street makes her this happy.

Mama Drama

Wednesday, May 01, 2019

Do we ever stop gripping the dashboard and pumping the imaginary brakes, mamas?

Sugar Junkie

Monday, April 29, 2019

...she cannot hold her sugar at all. Just gets all over top of her and she is a whirl of energy until it burns off.


Friday, April 26, 2019

"Roll the window down so everyone can see how fabulous I am." -Kindred

Amen, sister.

Easter, Then & Now

Sunday, April 21, 2019

Where does the time go?????

The Spooky Apple

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

...did not fall far from the Spooky Tree. At the zoo yesterday she said, "Let's go walk up to this haunted house and scare the crap out of ourselves."

In this lighting, it totally looks like a house I would have...and would I give out organic apples the children would assume were poisoned for Halloween? Yes, yes, I would.

The Nashville Zoo

Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Zoos...ughhh...I don't like 'em. I don't hold them in the same regard as I do the circus, but not by much. What I do like is seeing Naiya smile and she smiled her cute little face off when we went to the zoo.

I did find this animal to be an accurate representation of my spirit. Laying there in the cool grass, partially shaded, ignoring all the humans as they parade on by.

Kindred said her dad is probably taller than the giraffe. This one just kind of stared us down.

We like to actively participate in the exhibits as much as possible. The new tiger enclosure seems a little risky but I went with it. JUST KIDDING. It was the meerkats and I am positive I could take at least five of them out while Kindred runs to safety.

You know we love a good carousel.

Kindred was in charge of the map, which might explain why we kept missing exhibits and having to walk back. But, just a little advice...if you miss the train and you have to walk even 15 steps back toward it...just skip it. It is the most ridiculous thing in the world to charge money for.

Look at that smile!! I am in crazy love with this girl.

When Your Sister Asks You To Come Work Her Yardsale

Saturday, April 06, 2019 just have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go work hard.

Local Tourism

Thursday, April 04, 2019

Stopped for some non-dairy ice cream and then headed to the Shaker Village to visit with mama.

It's so good to be able to spend random fun days with Ash and Naiya again.

BBQ at Billy's

Wednesday, April 03, 2019

BBQ at my dad's means the radio is turned on to classic 70s rock, the beer will be cold, and the stories are going to be good. There is a false bookshelf in my dad's house that opens into a walk-in closet sized room. He has convinced the girls that it is a dungeon and staying in his good graces is the only way to avoid being tossed in it. I tell him they aren't old enough to understand his humor, but they love him anyway. I think children instinctively know who the good adults are and that they are safe with them. 

I love this picture of Kindred. My little faerie bringing an offering of pink flowers.

And, I love this picture. It looks like Ash is about to stab me with that spatula. Here's the thing...even if she did stab me, she would apologize immediately and feel guilty forever because, Pisces. God love her. I am the devil on mama's shoulder and Ashley is the angel.

April Fool's Day!!

Monday, April 01, 2019

Pink Aura

Saturday, March 30, 2019

"The monster has a pink aura, mama."

East Bound & Down

Thursday, March 28, 2019

...loaded up & truckin' we're gonna do what they say can't be done.
We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there,
I'm east bound, just watch ol' Bandit run...

Happy St Patrick's Day

Sunday, March 24, 2019

I imagine we are 0% irish, and I wish St Patrick hadn't evangelized Ireland because paganism is the shit, but here is Kindred wearing a Snapchat shamrock beard anyway. A pint of Guinness goes down so smooth, and that delicious creation would not be here without the Irish, so I raise my imaginary glass to them on their national holiday.

Oh, hey...

Saturday, March 23, 2019

I just backdated several posts because it had been so long since I wrote here. Lots to catch up! Anyway, I love when K makes this face. She is one silly little creature. I'm crazy about her.


Friday, March 22, 2019

I love that she looks like a little woodland creature in this picture.

Like, a little fae with iridescent wings hidden just out of sight. Like, she spent her morning flittering about, gathering tiny mushrooms and bits of moss, flower petals and drops of dew.

Spring Equinox

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

The planets are insane today.

There is so much going on that I cannot even begin to make sense of it all. But, I definitely feel like this is a time for rapid awakenings. Like the circus scene in "Big Fish". So many huge pieces of my life's puzzle just fell away over the past couple of weeks and were replaced by pieces that slid effortlessly into place. I feel clearer in my vision and excited about the freedom of just surrendering to letting it unfold without my tight grip of control choking it out. Cultivating a closer relationship with my dad has been so good for me because he often reminds me that everyone has to live their own lives...and, with the choices they've made. Somewhere in my young adulthood, I abandoned this knowledge and felt like I was the one that could hold everyone together. If someone started spinning out, I did they worrying, the figuring out of what to do next, and it has added up (over the years) to enormous pressure and stress. Of course, some love to say that nobody ever necessarily asked me to do so...but no one else stepped up and did it either. I walked right into the role of my grandmother. I wonder how many nights she stayed up, with little sleep, keeping watch over family members in need. At the end of her life, I wonder if she wished she had just let everyone sort it out for themselves? At the end of my life, I don't want to wish that.

I don't think the next few years will look like what anyone expects from me.

The Sweetest Dream

Sunday, March 17, 2019

Art Imitating Life

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Guys, I am not in the best mood.

Influenza Type A

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

This is my face on Sunday night, right after Kindred registered a fever and I knew she had the flu. 

We had picked Nova up from school on Friday at 1pm for a cousin sleepover. But, around 9pm my sister called and said that the family Nova had been with on Wednesday had come down with the flu the next day, but they had just thought to call her. Since we were around that 48 hour after-exposure window, it was best Nova go home in case she fell ill over night and wanted her mama. Plus, we were hoping to beat the odds against exposure for our family. The next morning, Kat called and lowered the boom as I was shopping at my favorite thrift store. Nova had gotten a fever during the night and had the flu. 

I felt sick to my stomach and immediately drove home. I am very afraid of the flu. I wasn't when Dylan was growing up, but I got the swine flu down in Georgia the year it was killing folks and, for an entire week, I was the sickest I have ever been in my life. It took another week before the fever stopped returning at night. When Kindred was a newborn, the flu was really bad again. The whole family, including me, had a respiratory virus when she was born and everyone had to wear masks. Berg got sick the day after we got home from the hospital and could not even come in the room for almost a week to see his newborn daughter. But, I read something the news...about a small child who had died and it tore my heart out as it imprinted in my brain. If I could get amnesia for just that memory, it would be great.

It did not help matters when Naiya became immune-compromised and we have had to drive home to the girls about how important it is to wash our hands and avoid sickness/the flu so that we can keep our Naiya well. 

So, all of this is the story of how Cam came to have a flu-phobia. 

And, now my niece had the flu and I had less than 48 hours to watch and wait and see if Kindred would come down with it too. To further complicate matters, if you read farther back, you will see that I have a recurrent inner ear infection which flares up in the form of dizziness>headache>fever>intense anxiety that I am going to die. When the steroids & antibiotics have a chance to kick in, all of those symptoms disappear together, but there is a small window of time, usually 3-5 days, that I am fighting the most unusual anxiety. It wears me down so quickly, even though I am constantly saying in my head 'This is anxiety, this is not real.' 

I'll give you one guess about what had flared up on Friday afternoon... 

We were doing a holistic regimen I had started on Saturday morning as soon as we got the news on Nova, but Kindred still came down with the flu. Her fever always trended a couple degrees lower than Nova's but she wound up being sick a day longer. Her body aches were never as bad, but she was vomiting more. I gave her as many popsicles and liquids as she could stand. We did see the nurse practitioner who confirmed the Flu A diagnosis for Kindred, and the ears diagnosis for me. Yes, plural. Both ears. Suuuuuuuuper. But, this time I wasn't anxious about was all about Kindred & the flu and it was the worst it had ever been. I told her I was a nervous wreck and having panic attacks for the first time in over a decade. She advised me to take Benadryl to stay calmer, along with another round of steroids. Berg isn't the most emotionally perceptive person, so I laid it out in black and white...I was having trouble and he was going to help me. I wasn't going to be left alone to handle everything. That may sound like something anyone would do, but until that moment, it wasn't something I am known to do. And, thankfully, he heard me and was supportive.

(we all camped out in the living room for a week)

A lot of things became clearer about my life during that dark night/week of the soul. I mean, like crystal clear. I feel like I was on the edge of a breakdown but I just had to stay silent and power through for Kindred. It was just the perfect storm in its timing...the ear infections and Kindred getting the flu. I cannot imagine what life is like for people who suffer from anxiety every day. I am so grateful that mine is symptomatic of an infection and not chronic. So, I am working on some changes that may leave family and friends a little surprised, but I am going to stay true to myself, come hell or high water. Or, both.

Things To Remember:

Sunday, March 03, 2019

“Whoever controls the media, controls the mind” 
― Jim Morrison


Thursday, February 28, 2019

“She's mad, but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire.” 
― Charles Bukowski

When The Going Gets Weird, The Weird Turn Pro

Monday, February 25, 2019

Two unicorns and one pink rabbit...just your average weekday at my house.