Warning: if the title didn't give it away, this post is about sex.
As a young woman, I
enjoyed sex.
I wanted to have sex, I was attracted to my partners, I had orgasms, and felt like I had checked off all the boxes under the heading '
A Satisfied Sex Life'...but then I got into my "dirty thirties" (aka a woman's sexual prime) and that changed
EVERYTHING I thought I knew about sex...ya know, as biology intends for the survival of the species.
Almost overnight, around age 33, I wanted to have sex all the time. No really...
all the time. If I wasn't having sex, I was thinking about the next time I could have sex again. If my husband got close enough for me to catch a whiff of his scent, I was climbing the wall. It was so incredibly primal there was no denying that, despite our egos, we are really just warm-blooded animals. Touches were electric, scent could spark a fire, and my body rode waves of pleasure that are indescribable. Unforgettable.
It was intense...and I am honestly surprised we both survived it. It also explains how Kindred was conceived in the back of a Vw bus...and how my marriage survived a lengthy separation. We may be horribly mismatched in many ways as a couple...but, one thing between us is exceptional. And, I am not going to lie, we had crazy makeup sex one weekend and just decided to fix the other shit so we could keep doing it. This may not be a viable long-term solution, but it is working out for us so far.
Now that I am nearing the end of my thirties, the urges have toned down to a more manageable level...for example, I can now finish a load of laundry without feeling the need to have sex on the washing machine, unless it gets out of balance because...really...it is doing most of the work for you, but the act of sex is still just as carnal. The stress of the past year has really affected my cycles, and in return, my libido, AND THAT IS TOTALLY A THING, LADIES, but over the past quarter, I seem to have re-synced my cycles to the moon (ovulation at the full moon, ahhrooo!) and gotten back into my groove. Truly, I was very lucky to be raised by a woman who was open and honest about our bodies. I could ask my mother questions about sex and she would answer honestly. She celebrated her prime by marrying a man ten years younger than she...which at the time was a bit scandalous in our small town, but now I want to give her a high-five because...I get it, girlfriend. Good for you!!
My goal is to continue prioritizing sexual expression of energy for the rest of my thirties, into my forties, and beyond. Exercise, diet, and connection with my partner are all necessary to succeed. Besides just wanting it, we have to actively maintain it. Also, I am studying feminine energy & sexuality, and it is just fascinating to me the ways it has been vilified and penalized over the centuries...men are equally mystified, enchanted by, and truly fucking terrified of us, sisters.
At work, without fail, at least once a shift, I am talking with a man about his sexual health. We have supplements for getting/maintaining erections, boosting testosterone, increasing libido, prostate health, and blood flow. Do you know how many times in almost 7 years I have visited the women's sexual health section with a woman who wasn't there for menopause symptoms?
ZERO. Once, a man...a prominent member of law enforcement, actually...came in with his wife and embarrassed the ever-loving shit out of her by making jokes as he was asking for things to help her libido. Yes, it took everything I had to tell him that no supplement in the world could fix the disconnect he was oblivious to because her face told me she wanted to drop to the floor and tunnel her way out of there. I don't think the problem was physical. And, as we age, that is a legitimate thing. There are women I know who stay in marriages because they work in other ways (financially, for the children, etc) and their sexuality pays the price.
I digress...
We have access to the same supplements to support our sexual health, as women. There are herbs to increase our desire, lubrication, the blood flow to our erogenous zones. There are vitamins and amino acids that increase our production of dopamine and serotonin, which are needed for our mood and libido. There are essential oils that have been used for centuries as aphrodisiacs. What we don't have, as women, are the awareness and courage to ask for these things. We are bombarded by images, starting in childhood, from industries dominated by men that tell us what sexy is. Makeup companies, lingerie companies, movies, etc., all tell us to be thin, to dress up, to be confident, to be okay with a string flossing our asshole masquerading as underwear, and to be ready to pounce on our partners like we don't have stressful days at work that segue into stressful evenings with the children, or a cycle that lasts longer emotionally than it does physically.
I am still in the hunting and gathering phase of study, but I plan to share what I learn here in the future. We need more visibility to end the stigma or shame because over 40% of women report some level of sexual dysfunction!! Any questions, DM me on Instagram. I don't really know how comments work here.
