Spring Equinox

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

The planets are insane today.

There is so much going on that I cannot even begin to make sense of it all. But, I definitely feel like this is a time for rapid awakenings. Like the circus scene in "Big Fish". So many huge pieces of my life's puzzle just fell away over the past couple of weeks and were replaced by pieces that slid effortlessly into place. I feel clearer in my vision and excited about the freedom of just surrendering to letting it unfold without my tight grip of control choking it out. Cultivating a closer relationship with my dad has been so good for me because he often reminds me that everyone has to live their own lives...and, with the choices they've made. Somewhere in my young adulthood, I abandoned this knowledge and felt like I was the one that could hold everyone together. If someone started spinning out, I did they worrying, the figuring out of what to do next, and it has added up (over the years) to enormous pressure and stress. Of course, some love to say that nobody ever necessarily asked me to do so...but no one else stepped up and did it either. I walked right into the role of my grandmother. I wonder how many nights she stayed up, with little sleep, keeping watch over family members in need. At the end of her life, I wonder if she wished she had just let everyone sort it out for themselves? At the end of my life, I don't want to wish that.

I don't think the next few years will look like what anyone expects from me.
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